No, you goofball, not a Hum-Vee–a hummingbird! Around the first of April, I always get the feeder out and clean it well. Then I wait. Long after I’m ready for them, a hummer will come hover at the kitchen window and cuss at me, so then I fill the feeder and put it out.

HUMMINGBIRD FOOD

  • distilled or boiled water
  • sugar

Mix in a ratio of four parts water to one part sugar. If your feeder has red on it, just fill and put it out for them. If your feeder does NOT have red on it, add a couple of drops of red food coloring to the sugar water.

Little known facts about hummingbirds:

They cuss. Oh, my dear lord, do they ever. It sounds like twi-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d but the meaning is clear.

They’re mean. Call it territorial, if it makes you feel any better, but a hummer will stake a claim on the feeder and, even though there’s more than one feeding station, he will lie in wait and chase away any other hummer who tries to feed there. They dive bomb each other and chase each other all over the place, the hateful devils.

They eat bugs. If it’ll fit into their bitsy beaks, they’ll eat it.

Bugs eat them. If the spider is big enough and its web is strong enough, they catch and eat small hummers. 😦

They poop. Sure, it’s mostly sugar water, but they still do it. Don’t put anything you don’t want sugar-crap on under the feeder or under anything the hummers like to perch on.

The pictures accompanying this post were taken by me a couple of years ago. They’re the best I could do without a way fancy camera. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go watch the hummers feeding. I go, “Oh! You beautiful thing!” and then I go, “CHAR-ming! Poop on my porch, why don’t you?”

MA

writing prompt: A character who has a romantic ideal about a species of animal must come to terms with the reality.

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