Oh Lord, won't you buy me a Mercedes Benz?

Okay, today I was Deacon and Bob Gilewski was lector and I was jealous. It’s bound to be a sin to be jealous of somebody else’s job in church. Bound to be. The reason I was jealous is that he got to read a WHOLE CHAPTER of the book of Job. It was a good one, too: one where God gets all snotty and sarcastic on Job’s ass.

Job, see, had it all, and then God took it all away. According to the story, The Adversary goes, “Anybody can be holy when he has everything going for him. Take it away and see what happens.” So Job loses everything except his wife–which kind of hurts my feelings, by the way, speaking as a wife–and he doesn’t reject God but he sure wants to know what the hell is going on.

“I did everything a holy person was supposed to do, and I lost everything,” Job shouts at God. “Here are the rules, and I followed them, but you didn’t. Where do you get off breaking the rules? Come down here RIGHT THIS MINUTE and answer to me!”

And God shows up and goes, like, “Ex-CUUUSE me? You said what to who?” Then he asks a bunch of ironic questions, like, “Were you there when I created everything? Can you tell me the secrets of the universe–I guess you can, since you know everything.” I would totally get all Rosanne Barr on that reading, although I doubt I would spit and scratch indelicately instead of saying, “Here ends the first reading of the day.”


writing prompt: Look at a Bible story and read it as if it were an actual fiction story that’s demonstrating characterization and moving a plot rather than A Holy Thing. Good stuff!