So Mom and I were walking down the street and I saw this license plate in a shop window and I had to stop and take a picture. I was like–WHAT? It says WHAT?

down home

I guess it’s a sign that I’ve read too many Regency romances, that this sign even gave me pause. I mean, what else would it reasonably be but an advertisement for barbed wire–or, as we say around here, bob wahr. But was that my first thought? No, that was not my first thought. Even though there’s a truck in town bearing a bumper sticker saying, “Honk if a pig falls out”, my first thought was two guys in flannel shirts and big overalls squaring up with tipped foils.

“On guard, y’all,” says Junior.

“On guard, yer own self,” says Hank.

“Yee-haw!” the crowd whoops.

I’m starting to visualize Romeo and Juliet: “Tybalt, you ole rat-catcher, you!”

“Looka that light, up there through yonder winder! That there’s the east, I reckon.”

Okay, that’s enough of that. I’m hurting my brain.

Eight signs you read too many Regency romances:

  1. You see a sign for Down Home Fencing and visualize farmers wielding épées.
  2. When you get mad, you shout, “That’s the outside of enough!”
  3. When you don’t feel well, you say you’re “sick as a cushion”.
  4. When you get drunk, you say you “shot the cat”.
  5. You congratulate your pregnant girlfriend for being “in a delicate condition”.
  6. When someone says he uses snuff, you visualize him in knee breeches, hose, and shoes with silver buckles.
  7. The words “flying coach” make you think of really fast horses pulling a passenger van.
  8. You offer guests “a dish of tea”.
  9. The words “well-sprung” don’t sound dirty to you.
  10. You always respond to invitations, saying whether you can come or not.

And that’s enough of that.

MA

writing prompt: Deliberately misinterpret a sign and see where it leads.

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