Here I am in a jolly jolly eyepatch. How did it happen?eyepatch

I swung from the tree onto the back of a rampaging rogue elephant and wrestled him to the ground, but one of his tusks….

You don’t believe that.

Okay, I leveled my dueling pistol. “Madam,” I said, “a lady doesn’t mention the name of a gentleman within the walls of a Bingo hall, especially a gentleman who is the husband of another lady. Honor demands–” She further dishonored herself by firing before the signal had been given….

You don’t believe that, either.

Okay, true story.

I was asleep. Woke up enough to pull the covers higher, lost my grip, and poked myself in the eye with my own thumb. Like “Be Your Own Three Stooges”. The next morning, it still hurt, so I went to the ER. Kinda bad scratch, but on the white, not on the part I look through. Had to rest my eye for two days. This is the only self-injury accident I’ve ever heard of that didn’t involve falling out of bed or some form of sex.

One son-in-law suggests I wear oven mitts to bed. #4 daughter thinks I might do well in a body bubble. I’m like–Hey, I have a boot cast, an arm splint and an eye patch; if I keep this up, I’ll have a complete Borg costume pretty soon.

Now I lay me down to sleep.
I pray the Lord both eyes to keep.
If I poke one out before I wake
May my insurance card they take.
Amen

MA

Writing prompt: What’s the most embarrassing self-injury accident you’ve ever had? If you haven’t had one, God bless you, and invent one.

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